"I Will Take Care Of You" For me these words hold such power. I long to hear them, yet they terrify me. According to the therapist who I had seen and trusted for so many years that is because no one ever took care of me when I needed it most, in infancy and early childhood. Notice that all 6 words are all one syllable, none more than four letters. The type of language that a small child would use. I have a rather extensive vocabulary, you would think that I could come up with a few more sophisticated words, but no, these words are the words I want to/fear hearing. I used to think that was because my mother couldn't love me, hell, she didn't even like me, but now as A 70 Something Woman, I believe that probably it was a father that I was looking for. My own father left us when I was 3 years old, I don't really remember him. It is strange that I never was angry with him for leaving, I was angry at him for not taking me with him. I had a step father from age 4 until I was 23 and he was a good man, he had some weird kids, but he was basically a good man. He probably did care for me as much as my mother would let him, and that wasn't much. I had another step father when I was a young woman, also a good man, God knows I tried to turn him into my father after my mother died. I was in my 50s when he died and he did take care of me while he was alive and to the best of his ability when he died. I did a lot of growing during those years, back to school, a new career, and you would think "I Will Take Care Of You" wouldn't have the same power over me, and sometimes it doesn't, yet there are still times when I want to hear it, yet when I do I want to run because it is so hard for me to believe, I think I am afraid to believe it.
Midnight Thoughts
Wednesday, March 9th, 2011...........11:58p.m.
No comments:
Post a Comment