Be Who You Are

This is the title of todays message in my daily morning reading from the book "The language Of Letting Go" written by Melody Beattie.  Here is the opening paragraph:  "When I Meet New people Or Get In A New Relationship, I Start Putting All These Repressive Restrictions On Myself.  I Can't Have My Feelings.  Can't Have My Wants And Needs.  Can't Have My History, Can't Do The Things I Want, Feel The Feelings I Am Feeling, Or Say What I Need To Say. I Turn Into This Repessed, Perfectionistic Robot, Instead Of Being Who I Am: ME
(Anonymous)

No wonder it is so difficult to start new relationships, make new friends; no wonder people stay in unhealthy relationships, at least they are familiar, even the discomfort and pain of them are familiar.  Right now I want to congratulate everyone who has had the intestinal fortitute, o.k. guts, to leave the familiar discomfort and start over; to take that risk of being alone with themselves for a while and not settling for the first person who seems to fill the void of emptiness.  I have done this a few times, sometimes by choice, sometimes like 3 years ago, when it forced on me.  I was fortunate in that I had family, however, inside me I felt alone and I endured that aloneness for as long as I had to until slowly, so damn slowly, I began to heal.  I am so glad in retrospect that I took those long months, perhaps more than a year before I ventured out again to find potential friends.  Because I had that alone, lonely time I think I made better choices.  I do have friends again, perhaps I will have love again, I hope so, I am even beginning to think so.  I came into these relationships and will continue to come to them as myself, not as someone who I think you want and need me to be.  I am o.k. "Being Who I Am".  And it only 70 something years to get here, pretty sad, but not as sad as those who never arrive at all.............Thoughts In The Afternoon..........

Saturday, March 5th, 2011..............2:44p.m.