"Anything You Can Not Relinquish When It Has Outlived It's Usefulness, Possess's You"

That is a quote I heard and I forgot to write down who said it.  It has stuck with me because I have so much difficulty parting with things.  I have a house with a full basement that is full of things.  The house is 3 to 4 hours from here, so I obviously don't need these things all that bad.  But I know they are there, and the three or four times a year that I visit my house it pleases me to see the things all right where I left them.  I think it makes me feel safe.  There are clothes hanging in my closet, books on the bedstand, the dresser, the end tables, hell there are books everywhere, just like my room here.  There are my, actually my mother's dishes in the cupboards, knitting in a bag that I haven't worked on for years, and pictures and oraments on the mantle over the fireplace.  Pictures my son bought and gave to me hanging on my walls and the house is full of furniture.
One of the reasons for not getting rid of many of these things is I feel they are not really mine.  The house was furnished by my mother and step father, my mother died in 1986 and my dad in 1996, and it is only 2011.  Well yea, I guess that is a long time.  There are drawers full of letters and pictures from my sister, who died in 1994 and old recipes from mother.  I don't cook, havn't in more years than I like to remember.  So what is wrong with this picture???  This is going to be a hell of a mess for my kids when I die and they may find a few things that I would just as soon they didn't, but that doesn't bother me enough to do a thorough house cleaning.  Luisa, the Granddaughter Of My Soul, has helped me to get rid of a number of things from my bedroom.  I feel safe with her doing it and I know she won't be embarressed by anything we find.  She never knew my mother or my step father so it is easier for her to be objective.
I learned a real important lesson when I came here to my daughters three years ago for two weeks and never went back, even for a visit, for a year.  I think I brought 3 changes of clothes and some extra underwear.  The lesson being I didn't really need the ton of clothes ranging in size from 8 to 22.  Clothes have always been a problem for me.  I hate shopping but when I can collect clothes from a yard sale or the Salvation Army, I get as many as I can cram into closets, drawers, boxes and whatever.  Then I find 3 or 4 outfits that are suitable for the season and that is all that I ever wear, I just wear them wash them and wear them again, while all the rest sit in drawers, closet or wherever.  Perhaps I am hoarder, I really hope not, and for some reason I think there is something deeper than that, but that is probably what hoarders think too.  Too tired to go any deeper into my tired mind right now.

Early Morning Thoughts........Saturady, March 12th, 2011............1:21 a.m.