Absence Of Pain..........Equals Happiness

This may be one of the few quotes that I claim as my own.  And I used to believe it absolutely.  Whenever I mention pain I am always talking about emotional pain as well as physical pain.  Most of us have experienced enough physical pain to know the relief when we are given a shot of morphine, an epideral or whatever.  But what about emotional pain?  What stops our emotional pain? Our fear and hurt; what stops it?  Unfortunately for many of us the same things that stops our physical pain.  I believe that is why there are so many addictions.  What stopped the pain of loss or betrayal?  If that pain was brought about by a relationship loss, then what better cure than another relationship, any relationship.  Or many substances worked for me, sometimes these substances were liquid in form, sometimes they came in pill form.  Enough of them and I felt nothing and to me feeling nothing was preferable to the pain or hurt.
As a very young child, I think 6 1/2 years old, because I only remember summer in my childhood, I never can remember winter.  Anyway at that age during that summer I attempted to tell my mother that my eldest step brother was touching me, hurting me, scaring me.  Her respnse to me was to stand up, shove her finger in my face and tell me "Dayle, don't you make trouble in this family".  I don't know how most 6 year olds would process this information but I never discussed this matter again with anyone until I was 40 years old.  I was in therapy at that time and it took over a year of seeing the same therapist before he finally asked me "How old were you when you were first raped"?  I almost lied to him and denied it, but for some reason I thought he had these magical powers ( I still kind of think so) and I told him the truth.  I was also seeing him about my addictions.  It was strange once I had said the words after almost 35 years of saying them the first time, and having someone hear me, all kinds of things began to fall into place.  I think it is called healing.  I am not even sure if Bernie is still alive, but if you are Thank You Bernie.  You started the process, it has taken a long, long time and a lot of work but you started it and I continued it.   Afternoon Thoughts.

Suncay, March 6th, 2011...........3:53p.m.