Today feels like a weekend to me. Probably because I havn't been dressed or outside the house all day. perhaps I wouldn't be as good a hermit as I thought. I think to much when I have nothing else to do. Today my mind has wandered back to the family who became my step family. I have no contact with them whatsoever. Perhaps they are all dead, I know for a fact that the two eldest step brothers are dead, but not sure about step sister and step brother closer to my age. I probably owe these people some amends, although I am not sure I could make in all sincerity. I have spent the last hour looking for these people on the computer...........nothing, not a sign of them. It feels like they never existed. My only step sister Betty was/is two years older than me, yet I always thought of her as old. It is strange my Mother seemed in many ways to favour Betty over her own daughters, Peggy and myself. She could certainly control Betty better than she could Peggy and I. Her step children were always easier for her to manage than the children born to her. My Mother was such a "formidable" woman. That was the word my teacher used 10 or 12 years ago when I looked her up and found her. I was looking for some kind of closure or validation from her, I am not sure if I received it or not, but I came away with that word burned into my brain "FORMIDABLE" regarding my Mother. My teachers name was Mrs White, when I met with her she said I should call her Margaret, but she will always be Mrs White to me. Her name was Miss Ellis when I first had her for a teacher, then when I was grade 6 or 7 she married. I recall thinking how old she was, she was in her 30s and this might have been 1950, being in your 30s and single was really strange then. Somethings have changed for the better....Thank God. Enough for now.
Monday December 6th, 2010................8:22p.m.
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