More "My Mother/Myself"

I contine to read this book, forcing myself to slow down, trying not to speed read, as I normally do. I am finding some of the old feelings as I read and some new ones, perhaps I have changed, evolved.  I hope so.  Here is a paragraph that I highlighted:

"I only tell my mother what she wants to hear.  The inference is that the lie is an outgrowth of love.  I am merely translating into action my desire to protect my mother.  The fact is I become my mother's protector not because I am such a good daughter but to protect myself. In some part of my psyce I am still a child who is afraid of losing my mother's love even for the short space of an argument.  Telling the truth is a test; it lays bare what in fact goes on between two people."

I changed only the personal pronouns in this paragraph from we to me.  It just felt better to me, more honest.  The last sentence "Telling the truth is a test; it lays bare what in fact goes on between two people", really hit a nerve in me.  I realize that rather than risking losing someone I will quite often say what I think they want to hear.  This can be risky, even dangerous, as my power as a mind reader isn't always 100%.  Yet I lack courage to always be honest about my feeling, I think most of us do that, and for the few who don't I really envy you.

Afternoon Thoughts

Sunday, August 21st, 2011............ 2:01 p.m.