"I Always Lied To My Mother. And She To Me."

These are the two opening lines in the book "My Mother, My Self" written by Nancy Friday in 1977.  I read this book in 1978 while my mother was still living and have just started reading it again.  I very seldom read a book twice, so this one must have had a real impression on me 33 years ago.  I wonder how I will feel about this book now as compared to how I felt about it then.  I recall feeling fear while I read it 33 years ago, fear that my mother would somehow know I was reading it and disapprove.  My mother's approval was something I was always looking for and something I felt that I never got.  I remember hiding the book in a drawer in my bedroom so she wouldn't know I was reading it.

As a 70 Something Woman I realize that I never would have won the Mother of The Year award either, however, I don't think my children ever feared me.  I was always in awe of my children.  I think that being in awe of something means that you somewhat fear it, so perhaps I was one who feared my children, but I never consciously felt that way.  My feelings were more like "Wow, Look What I Did/Made", it was that kind of awesome feeling.  If anyone reading this knows my children you will know what I mean.  I will continue to read the book and update you on my feelings about this book now.  About the change in my feelings, the difference, if any that 33 years has made.

Thoughts in the afternoon

Monday, August, 12th, 2011...............2:19 p.m.