Mind you it is only one of keeping score. I don't like keeping score, it tires me out and I guess it just isn't the way the mind works.
In my 70 something years I have been what many would consider poor, although I don't think I ever felt poor. Sometimes I felt scared, perhaps that is my way of feeling poor. I have worked at jobs that payed less than minimun wage, I have held jobs that paid very well and I have volunteered, or given my time away.
I usually don't have a lot of good things to say about myself (bad self image??) but one thing that I like about myself is that I am resourceful. For me, I have always found a way to make money if I really need or want it.
Perhaps it is good, or possibly bad genes, but my attitude about money seems to be uniquely my own. I don't really like spending money, but I enjoy giving it away. For me money wasn't meant to be spent, it was meant to save. Money represented safety to me. Most of my young life I felt that I was at the mercy of other people; for anyone who has ever experienced this feeling (everyone I know) you know how uncomfortable this feeling is. I had a grandmother, my father's mother, who had more influence on me than she ever knew where money is concerned. I was about 10 years old when I was telling her about books that I had read and I enjoyed. She opened her purse and took out her bank book, I had never seen one before, she said "this is one of the most important books you will ever own, this book can make sure that you are never dependent on anyone". I didn't get to spend a lot of time with this grandmother, my own mother wouldn't allow it. And I don't think she ever realized how much her words and actions impacted on me. As a child this woman was the only person that I felt asolutely sure loved me. Perhaps that is why I remember most of what she told me in the few times we spent together. I am grateful to my Grandma O'Neill and wish I had known her better.
Afternoon Thoughts
Tuesday, August 9th, 2011.........2:20p.m.
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