When the soul is neglected, it doesn't just go away; it appears symptomatically in obsessions, addictions, violence and loss of meaning. I read that not long ago in a book I have. I spoke for a friend at her 15 year medallion last night and realized that my soul sickness has not completely healed. It is much better and hopefully continues to heal. Certainly I have known the obsessions, addictions and loss of meaning. Probably the violence was something I experienced in a more passive aggressive way. I had a teacher once who gave the best defination for passive aggressiveness, he said passive aggressive to him "was like a very large dog licking your face while pissing on your shoes". I had to much fear to ever be really aggressive, so I developed a real talent for the passive aggession. That is something I really dislike in others, no doubt because I am so aware of it in myself. I have found that things I really dislike in others are usually things I am guilty of myself. After speaking last night I am aware that my inner child is alive and maybe not all that well yet. Perhaps she needs a little more attention. There are times that I try to ignore her, to push her down and away. That is always a bad idea because she is still angry, hurt and needy. Sometimes I wonder if she will ever completely heal, or if there are parts of my 4 and 7 year old self that are just to damaged. Occasionally she will try to run the show, that can be embarrassing when you are A 70 Something Woman. She needs so much nurturing and I find I can't always give her that. Sometimes the best way for me to do that is to nurture another 4 year old little girl. I did that a few weeks ago when we had our 4 year old Princess here and I realized the benefits from it. I will work on that. Right now it nearing bedtime.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011.................11:19p.m.
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