Blame

Wikipedia's Definition:  "The act of censuring, holding responsible, making negative statements about an individual or group that their action are socially or morally irresponsible, the opposite of praise."

This is the defination of blame that I found when I looked it up on Wikipedia and I suppose it as good as any.
It made me think how easily and quickly we assign blame.  All of us, me included.  It made me remember times when I was the blamed and when I was the one doing the blaming.  It seems to be such as instinctual thing to do.  It is so much easier to blame someone, something, anything.  And it is quick, dealt with, over.  He/She is guilty, to blame.  Mind you I don't usually who that person is, anything about the circumstances, nothing.  Quite often it is just something I heard on the radio, read in the paper, or overheard in a family or friends conversation.  I don't know why at that time I don't remember when it was me who was being blamed, sometimes justifiabley, sometimes totally unjustifiably.  How alone and unwanted I felt at those times,
how much guilt and shame I was feeling.  It is strange even when I was being blamed unjustly I felt as much shame as I would have had I been guilty.  What a blessing it would have been at that time if one person, any person, had said "please tell me your side of it, I will hear you without prejudice".  How healing those words would have been.  The last time I was accused unjustly I was told by a lawyer that I could not talk to anyone, everything would be said in court.  What he didn't say was court might not take place until a year or two had passed and many thousands of dollars were spent.  What a horribly lonely time that was.

When it someone we love who is accused, that is an awful time also.  As parents, family or friends almost always hold themselves responsible.  I have a child, who in his younger years, was in trouble with the law quite often.  Unless you have experienced this you have no idea about the isolation and once again "shame" that is involved.  The inner dialogue goes something like this "If I had been better parent, brother, sister, friend this wouldn't have happened".  And you know what?  maybe it would and maybe it wouldn't.  No one goes through life totally untouched by blame, whether guilty or not.  And there is certainly enough blame to go around; lets see there is family, school, church, alcohol, drugs, the economy and the entire social situation.
Next time I open my mouth to assign blame I am going to try to remember what I have written tonight.
Tonight I am grateful for those who loved me when everyone else was blaming me, even me.

Tuesday, February 8th, 2011............10:52p.m.