The Day After The Day After

I have to finish the Peggy thing, at least for this year.  There are a number of things I have left out of her Birthday\Death Day post.  In my sister autopsy report I learned her brain weighed 1320 grams.  It wasn't until days or weeks later that I realized they would have to remove her brain to weigh it.  I remember nothing else in the report, when I read the weight of her brain everything else left me.  I don't mean to gross anyone out but this my blog and hopefully by telling it will leave me.

I am at my friend Harold's for the weekend.  I come here most weekends, unless I am working; I look after other peoples homes and pets.  I very much enjoy doing that and it is certainly different than the work I am used to.  I met Harold at a 12 step group that I attend.  He is a good man and has a quality that I seem to need in any man; "he is totally self sufficient, he doesn't need me, he likes and enjoys me".  Probably if he needed me that would frighten me.  Wierd huh?  But thats what so great about having your blog.  You can write your feelings in it.  And since no one except my granddaughter is reading it thats ok because I know she understands.  I arrived a little earlier than usual because the weather report is saying those four letter words that we all dislike "snow" and freezing "rain".  We will go a 12 step meeting in Walkerton, this is the meeting where we met.  I really didn't want to meet another man, I have had enough with the "Where Are You Going? When will you be back" questions.  Harold never asks me these or any other question, well, he does ask me what I would like for dinner but thats about it.

I am a fortunate woman and I am so glad that I realize that.  I do what I want, not at the expense of anyone else, but I am also not answerable to anyone.  I tried for many years to please others while maintaining some of my own autonomy.  Now through circumstance that have nothing to do me and circumstances that I would never chosen I am able to do that.  I find that I am able to participate in my own life a lot more.  For many years, when I was younger, I remember being aware that I was waiting for the part of the life that I would enjoy.  I missed much of the pleasure that was available to me there and then.  Today I am aware of what I am feeling, the good, bad and the ugly.  I am able to better process those feelings and let them go.  It is almost time to go to the meeting.  Perhaps I will write more later this evening.

Friday, November 26th, 2010...............6:42p.m.