"Unfinished Business Doesn't Go Away"

"It keeps repeating itself, until it gets our attention, until we feel it, deal with it, and heal".  This is a sentence from Melody Beattie's book The Language Of Letting Go.  This is the book I read every morning, the book that has given me the courage to look at my past, to feel it, deal with it and heal.

I forced so many things down when I was young, very young, from the time I can remember.  I swallowed fear, hurt, guilt and anger.  I mean I literally swallowed them.  This was before I found drugs, food, alcohol sex, work and other things to help me swallow my feelings. At age 4 or 5 many of these things arn't available to you, so you work with what you have; dissociation, make believe and denial.  Finding drugs and alcohol may have saved my life before they almost killed me,  With enough substance abuse I was able to really look at my pain and be numb enough not to totally feel it.  I was able to rationalize that I had survived it, it happened a long time ago and with another drink, another pill, it wouldn't seem that important.

However, Unfinished business doesn't go away, it comes back it dreams. in your daily relationships with others and more importantly in your relationship with yourself.  So, if you can, if you are ready, please feel it, deal with it and heal from it.

Afternoon Thoughts

Sunday, February 12th, 2012.......2:03p.m.