Losses

Before I left my job (before I was terminated), I was already working on a new project in my mind.  I wanted to start a new group and I wanted to call it "Losses".  Through my own lifes experiences and the shared experienced of many people that I worked with, I had come to realize that most of us needed to complete our grieving.  I don't mean grieving a loss through death.  Strangely enough that is the one time when we are allowed, even encouraged to grieve.  I am talking about the losses that everyone experience during their lifetime.  What about the loss of a marraige or relationship?  You know, when everyone tells you there are lots of fish in the sea.  Doesn't that always make you feel better???  Maybe it is just me but during those times I wasn't interested in fish or anything else, only the pain and hurt I was feeling.  And on the rare occasion that I did trust someone enough to share my feelings with them I was quite often told by these well meaning people to stop feeling sorry for myself, get off the pity pot.........a lot of things that made me learn to swallow my feelings, until these feelings lay in my gut in a heavy lump.  I swallowed these feeling with booze, pills, food and anything else that I could find.

There are so many losses, I will just name a few that I have had myself or people I care for have experienced.  I have a couple of women friends and family member who have lost their Mother while she is still living.  Their Mother has Alzhiemers or Dementia.  This must be worse in many ways than losing them to death.  Your parent is still alive but doesn't know who you are.  Sometimes your being there scares her.  You feel guilt for not going to see her and sadness and frustration when you do see her.  I have treated people who suffered from schitzophrenia.  In my experience these, who are usually diagnosed in their late teens or early twenties are quite intelligent.  I remember one young woman who was diagnosed during her first year of university, she was on a full schiolarship, so she had to very intelligent.  During her second year she had to drop out of school, the drugs necessary to control her symptoms dulled her mind and if she didn't take them the voices made her life unbearable. Telling her to "pull herself together" God, I hate that term, didn't really help her much.

When I moved here I still wanted to start a "Losses" group.  I guess I still do.  I already belong to a 12 step group and I know they don't like to hear that the answer to everything is not in their program, but guess what guys........it's not.  I will give this some more thought and write more about it tomorrow.  As the bewitching hour is here and I am getting tired.

Tuesday, January 25th, 2011..............11:57p.m.