I must be beginning to come out of my funk, either that or I am losing it completely, which would be preferrable to the anxiety I have been feeling. For the past few days some of the ridiculous things that came from my mother's mouth has been running through my head.
When I was 15 years old and pregnant with my first born, I eventually had to tell my mother. After I picked myself up from being thrown across the room and spit out the blood from my split lip, my mother began the often to be repeated refrain "You went and got yourself pregnant". There were variations of the refrain but it all came back to getting myself pregnant. A year and a half later I pulled off the same startling feat. The first time I was absolutly sure who had been my co conspirator in achving my pregnant state. The second time I have to admit I was not absolutely sure. It turns out it was the same man..DNA don't lie. My mother returned to her old refrain, this time adding "again", as in you got yourself pregnant (again). I had replies in my head, like "yes Mother, me and the virgin Mary, only I apparently pulled it off twice". I never spoke these words, I was to well acquainted with the wrath of my mother.
I left that marriage when I was 19. At age 20 I remarried. On our honeymoon we stopped at my mother's. Practically the first words out of her mouth were "I hope you don't get yourself pregnant again......to late, my third child was born 9 months and 8 days after the wedding. Five months later I truly believe "I got myself pregnant". I kept waiting to hear those words leave her mouth, so I could at last agree with her. She never said them. I have always regretted that. I really would have liked to share this information with her. Eventually, mabye a year after the birth of my last child, I did try to tell her. I said mom I had to have conceived my baby girl all by myself. She just looked at me and said "don't be crazy". Figures.......
Thoughts In The Afternoon
Tuesday, September 27, 2011...................3:48p.m.
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