Many times in my life there has been a real conflict surrounding my feelings. Early in my life it seemed I wasn't allowed to have feeling, I certainly wasn't allowed to voice them; so my feelings were secrets that I carried inside me. Like most secrets they began to fester and often left my sick. It was a kind of soul sickness, one that was always left untreated. Worse yet, I began to deny my feelings to others, and what was really bad to myself. In time I no longer really knew what I actually was feeling.
It took almost 70 years for me to fully realize that it is O.K. to have my feelings, all of them, anger, guilt, hurt, fear and love. It is O.K. to voice my feelings, in fact it is necessary that I do; necessary for my emotional, spiritual and physical health. If I don't speak my fear, and anger out loud then I can't voice my love out loud either.
I don't have to act on my feelings, but it is essential that I acknowledge them. I think that was the part where I got stuck; perhaps I was afraid that if I ever voiced my feelings I would act on them. In reality it works the other way round, if I give a voice to my feelings they dissipate, they become less and they are manageable.
"It is O.K. to be angry but it is not O.K. to be cruel". I already knew that, I just didn't know that I knew it.
Afternoon Thoughts
Thursday, August 2nd, 2012.......... 5:03p.m.
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