That is the title of tomorrows message from my very favorite book. I don't normally read the next days message, but it is 11:20p.m. now so soon it will be tomorrow and I am only cheating by 40 minutes.
For the past 3 years I havn't taken many, if any risks, until very recently. Probably even before then I wouldn't be what anyone would call a big risk taker. I wanted guaranteed, written in blood assurances. Even then I would not always feel sure.
In my book it says "We cannot afford to keep ourselves paralized." And that is what fear does to me, it paralizes me. I can become afraid to make a move, let alone take a risk. Risking means being vulnerable and trusting someone. But not risking means almost being jailed. You are safe in your cell, with all of your thoughts locked inside your own head and I guess I needed to be that safe for awhile; but it is also lonely and isolating. And I didn't grow during that time. I didn't share ideas or feelings with anyone so of course I got no feedback. Lately, slowly but surely I am sharing feelings and ideas. Even doing this blog is a kind of leap of faith. At first I thought no one would ever read it, so that was safe; then I actually gave the address of the blog to a couple of people. That was a real act of faith for me. It was also taking a risk. And it was o.k. I feel o.k. about it, sometimes even good about it.
Saturday, May 14th, 2011..............11:36p.m.
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