This is just a part of a quote by Roy H Williams. The entire quote is: "Fear is the assassin of success. Why not bulletproof in 2 easy steps? 1)Make peace with the possibility of failure.
2) Amputate your sense of shame."
There is enough "meat" in those two sentences for a number of blogs. Tonight I will start with the second step. "Amputate your sense of shame".
I am thinking now of a blog I did a little while ago, where I gave the example of fear being taught. If that is almost always true, then in my opinion "shame" is always taught. No one is born with a sense of shame. Someone always has to teach you shame. In over 70 years of living I have never seen a newborn baby, puppy, kitten, etc etc exhibit shame.
There is enough blame to go around when it comes to the people and societies who advertently or inadvertantly teach shame. I think schools and churchs are outstanding examples of how to impose shame on innocent children. How many of us hasn't stood at the front of the class with our faces red and our heads bowed as we gave a wrong answer or totally forgot what we had memorized and prepared to regurgitate in front of a teacher and class. And what about presenting at a work related function? That is really fun as we stumble for the words. I have reread my own blogs after spell checking (or not) and realize that I have typed the same word twice. I always feel the warmth in face when that happens; because I know that you will know that I made a mistake. Even understanding why I make this mistake (because my brain works a lot faster than my fingers. Thank God or I would be here all day.)
The only tool I have found that works for me is at the very beginning of a presentation is to say something like there is very good chance I may mess, funk this up, depending on my audience, because I am not perfect and I have a whole other life when I am not here; however, I will do my best to present the content as clearly as possible and take questions later. I never claim to be an expert on anything except myself, my feelings and my experiences...........That helps sometimes........
Wednesday, April 24th, 2013.........9p.m.
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Thursday, April 18, 2013
"Nearly All Men Can Stand Adversity, But If You Want To Test A Man's Character, Give Him Power".
This is a quote by Abraham Lincoln. I found it at the beginning of a book by Denise Mina. Every so often I run across words like these; I read them, then read them again, close the book and ruminate on the words. They stay in my mind until I finally write them and explore them. It brings me back to "Power Corrupts And Absolute Power Corrupts Absolutely".
It is difficult to not let power change you. Sometimes it is easier to deal with adversity, adversity is something most of us are familiar we and in familiarity there is a kind of comfort. For me the feeling is something like "oh yea, I know this place, I have been here before. I know exactly where I am, I am not lost. (for me being lost is probably my number 1 fear).
In my life when I was put in a position of authority (and I was put there, I am sure I didn't apply for it) what I felt was a whole lot of responsibility. My last position of authority was with the Ministry Of Health, I came to Executive Director of that organization more by attrition than anything else. However, because I strongly believed in the values of the Organization, I worked very hard to make it work and I enjoyed every day that I did it,. There were no doubts times when I used my authority for my good and more times when I used it for the good of someone else, who needed an advocate for them. People with Mental Health issues have very little if any voice of their own.
It is hard even for me to believe that I was as naive as I was at 68 years old, when I was undermined by others who wanted that position for their own selfish and somewhat sinister ideas. I was even told months before the betrayal to be careful of these people. I didn't really pay enough attention to the people warning me. I was "terminated", God don't you love that word? I felt terminated, or exterminated and the slimy people got their way, It took less than 3 years to destroy completely what it took me 17 years to build. Forgiving these people is the hardest thing I ever did. And when I did it, I did it for myself so I could move on.
That is my story of having power. I haven't touched on the smaller things about having power, like having power over small children or women or minority's. All of which I witnessed.
Afternoon Thoughts
Thursday, April 18th, 2013.........5:46p.m.
It is difficult to not let power change you. Sometimes it is easier to deal with adversity, adversity is something most of us are familiar we and in familiarity there is a kind of comfort. For me the feeling is something like "oh yea, I know this place, I have been here before. I know exactly where I am, I am not lost. (for me being lost is probably my number 1 fear).
In my life when I was put in a position of authority (and I was put there, I am sure I didn't apply for it) what I felt was a whole lot of responsibility. My last position of authority was with the Ministry Of Health, I came to Executive Director of that organization more by attrition than anything else. However, because I strongly believed in the values of the Organization, I worked very hard to make it work and I enjoyed every day that I did it,. There were no doubts times when I used my authority for my good and more times when I used it for the good of someone else, who needed an advocate for them. People with Mental Health issues have very little if any voice of their own.
It is hard even for me to believe that I was as naive as I was at 68 years old, when I was undermined by others who wanted that position for their own selfish and somewhat sinister ideas. I was even told months before the betrayal to be careful of these people. I didn't really pay enough attention to the people warning me. I was "terminated", God don't you love that word? I felt terminated, or exterminated and the slimy people got their way, It took less than 3 years to destroy completely what it took me 17 years to build. Forgiving these people is the hardest thing I ever did. And when I did it, I did it for myself so I could move on.
That is my story of having power. I haven't touched on the smaller things about having power, like having power over small children or women or minority's. All of which I witnessed.
Afternoon Thoughts
Thursday, April 18th, 2013.........5:46p.m.
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Words From My Daughter
"My Mother taught me everything I needed to know about being a woman and a friend and my Mother In Law taught me everything I needed to know about being a wife and mother". These are words I over heard from my daughter while she was talking to a friend. My first reaction was to be a little bit hurt that I didn't teach her everything. I took a couple steps back in my mind and thought: What the hell could I teach anyone about being a wife? I was married twice by the time I was 20 and all I knew about marriage was that I didn't like it, in fact I disliked it immensely. During my marriages I always felt trapped, dependant and gagged. I felt like I could hardly breathe. I so envy my grandchildren. So far five of them have a had a child without the (benefit???) of marriage and everyone celebrates the birth if their children, including me, perhaps especially me. That was a definite NO NO in the 50s and 60s. There was a few words during that time period for women who had a child without having a husband and none of them were very nice.
On the other hand my daughter's Mother In Law appears to be a woman who really embraced marriage and Motherhood. She was married to husband for over 40 years before he died. They had 5 children, one of whom is my son in law; he is one the best people I have ever known. Molly, the Mother In Law has pretty well dedicated her life to her husband and her children. Now at age 77 she is constantly babysitting her great grandchildren, not just for a few hours here and there but everyday all day. I really like this woman and I admire her, I just know that I couldn't be her. And I am pretty sure that she would say she couldn't be me. I no longer feel any hurt or resentment about my daughter's words. She is right it took two women to teach her everything she had to know about having the well rounded life she enjoys today. And I thank Molly for her contribution.
Thoughts in the evening
Sunday, March 24th, 2012.........8:24p.m.
On the other hand my daughter's Mother In Law appears to be a woman who really embraced marriage and Motherhood. She was married to husband for over 40 years before he died. They had 5 children, one of whom is my son in law; he is one the best people I have ever known. Molly, the Mother In Law has pretty well dedicated her life to her husband and her children. Now at age 77 she is constantly babysitting her great grandchildren, not just for a few hours here and there but everyday all day. I really like this woman and I admire her, I just know that I couldn't be her. And I am pretty sure that she would say she couldn't be me. I no longer feel any hurt or resentment about my daughter's words. She is right it took two women to teach her everything she had to know about having the well rounded life she enjoys today. And I thank Molly for her contribution.
Thoughts in the evening
Sunday, March 24th, 2012.........8:24p.m.
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
My Dad Roy Edward Hardman
The man I called Dad was not my Father. My biological Father bailed when I was 3 and my sister was a newborn. I could never get too angry with him for leaving my Mother, in fact I understood that to well. I remember wishing that he taken me with him; other than that I never thought much about my father.
The man I called Dad was born in 1900; we always knew how old he was. In 1950 he was 50 and so on. I believe he loved me, as much as my Mother would allow anyway. He was a strong man both physically and in many other ways. I can't say how intellectually strong he would have been, he had a grade 4 education. Even with that level of education he was 3rd class marine engineer as well as a 3rd class stationary engineer. My Mother was 22 when she met him and he was 42. He had just become a widower with 4 children and of course my Mother had Peggy and I. Because of the age difference his children were older than my sister and me. Over years they at one point married, I don't remember it, I believe they were married by the justice of the peace, I know it was not a large affair.
When I was 8 years old my Mother had a child, my brother Sam. Actually his name was Roy after his Father, but for whatever reason he was called Sam from the day he was born. When I was 10 and Sam was 2 my dad decided to try and get his 2nd class Engineers papers. This never happened because the rules had been changed and he would need to write for his 2nd class papers. When he got his 3rd class papers apparently no one had to write for their papers, they just did an apprenticeship under the men who were engineers and if there were tests it was hands on work. As I said my dad had grade 4 education and his writing and spelling were not good,
I liked my dad, I probably loved him, He knew all kinds of neat things. He had a trapline every winter and spring, He augmented his income this way. He caught skunks, racoons, weasel and fox in the winter and muskrats in the spring. All winter our house smelled like skunk, we got used to it but school mates would hold their noses when we went to school. My dad could fix shoes, I remember he had a metal lass or last I am not sure how it was spelled. I recall him putting our shoes on it and adjusting it to that size then resoleing our shoes. I am pretty sure no one does that anymore. He played the mouth organ and could also play the fiddle. He was an amazing man and I realize now that I never appreciated him. He died in 1960 at 60 years of age. I was pregant with my fourth and last child and my sister was pregnant with her second child. We both gave birth within 2 months of his dying.
Thoughts About My Dad
Tuesday, February 19th, 2013...........7:22p.m.
The man I called Dad was born in 1900; we always knew how old he was. In 1950 he was 50 and so on. I believe he loved me, as much as my Mother would allow anyway. He was a strong man both physically and in many other ways. I can't say how intellectually strong he would have been, he had a grade 4 education. Even with that level of education he was 3rd class marine engineer as well as a 3rd class stationary engineer. My Mother was 22 when she met him and he was 42. He had just become a widower with 4 children and of course my Mother had Peggy and I. Because of the age difference his children were older than my sister and me. Over years they at one point married, I don't remember it, I believe they were married by the justice of the peace, I know it was not a large affair.
When I was 8 years old my Mother had a child, my brother Sam. Actually his name was Roy after his Father, but for whatever reason he was called Sam from the day he was born. When I was 10 and Sam was 2 my dad decided to try and get his 2nd class Engineers papers. This never happened because the rules had been changed and he would need to write for his 2nd class papers. When he got his 3rd class papers apparently no one had to write for their papers, they just did an apprenticeship under the men who were engineers and if there were tests it was hands on work. As I said my dad had grade 4 education and his writing and spelling were not good,
I liked my dad, I probably loved him, He knew all kinds of neat things. He had a trapline every winter and spring, He augmented his income this way. He caught skunks, racoons, weasel and fox in the winter and muskrats in the spring. All winter our house smelled like skunk, we got used to it but school mates would hold their noses when we went to school. My dad could fix shoes, I remember he had a metal lass or last I am not sure how it was spelled. I recall him putting our shoes on it and adjusting it to that size then resoleing our shoes. I am pretty sure no one does that anymore. He played the mouth organ and could also play the fiddle. He was an amazing man and I realize now that I never appreciated him. He died in 1960 at 60 years of age. I was pregant with my fourth and last child and my sister was pregnant with her second child. We both gave birth within 2 months of his dying.
Thoughts About My Dad
Tuesday, February 19th, 2013...........7:22p.m.
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Our Second January Thaw And Lies We Tell
It isn't a lie, we are having a second January thaw. Apparently it isn't going to last but it is nice to be able to get out for a while again. Here in Bruce County snow and lots of it is a given in the winter. This is probably the snowiest place I have ever lived in Ontario. I lived in Thompson, Manitoba for a year and even their with 40 below being the average temperature we never had this much snow. At 40 below it actually hardly ever snows. During the small amount of sunlight we had each winter day you could see ice crystals in the air but very little snow fell.
My other topic "Lies We Tell" came from my favorite source of information CBC radio. I listened to the program yesterday while driving to all the places I could while the weather permitted. After mulling over the information I tried to categorize the lies I have told over my lifetime.
1) Lies we tell stranger, acquaintances and friends
2) Lies we tell to family and others we love
3) Lies we tell ourselves
There is a woman who is writing a blog "Lies I tell My Daughter". I haven't read her blog but I will before I write anymore on my lies, my reasons for telling them. About my lies of omission, which I believe are most of our lies, and most importantly the lies I tell myself.
Now I am heading for the library to restock on books before the freeze hits and I am house bound for another week or more.
Afternoon Thoughts
Wednesday, January 30th, 2013............12:40p.m.
My other topic "Lies We Tell" came from my favorite source of information CBC radio. I listened to the program yesterday while driving to all the places I could while the weather permitted. After mulling over the information I tried to categorize the lies I have told over my lifetime.
1) Lies we tell stranger, acquaintances and friends
2) Lies we tell to family and others we love
3) Lies we tell ourselves
There is a woman who is writing a blog "Lies I tell My Daughter". I haven't read her blog but I will before I write anymore on my lies, my reasons for telling them. About my lies of omission, which I believe are most of our lies, and most importantly the lies I tell myself.
Now I am heading for the library to restock on books before the freeze hits and I am house bound for another week or more.
Afternoon Thoughts
Wednesday, January 30th, 2013............12:40p.m.
Friday, January 25, 2013
In My Daughter's Home
This is a snowy late January morning, the sky is grey and snow is falling again and I am sitting at my computer with a warm cup of coffee, just letting my mind wander while looking out the window at the pine trees bowed down from the last weeks accumulation of snow.
Paisley, the little village we live in is situated in Bruce County about a 10 minute drive to Lake Huron. The house is quiet now. My daughter has left for work and I am here alone, except for our German Shepherd Six and our 4 month old puppy Luna(tic). The home we live in was built in 1875, it is two story, yellow brick farm house and I love it. There is a warmth in this house that comes as much from the people living in it as from the propane furnace that heats it.
My daughter Tami, my son in law Dennis, their 16 year old son Jonathon and myself live in this home. Quite often one of Tami and Dennis's other 3 sons will be hear for a visit or to spend a few days. Last week my youngest son Rusty was here for a few days. I love having two or more of my 4 children here at the same time. My eldest son Michael lives in Hamilton and my daughter Linda lives in London, Rusty lives in Fenelon Falls where I lived and worked for 28 years. They live far enough away that when they visit it is a wonderful occasion for me.
Due to the weather and my aversion to driving in snowy conditions I have not left the house in 6 days. At one time that would have me crazy and it is a real testament to this family and this home that I am sitting in my fleece robe feeling comfortable and content with my life and the world, more than that I am feeling grateful for everything and everyone around around me. What a wonderful place and time for a 70 something woman. I am so glad that my life includes my wonderful family and the animals and the acres that surround this home. I have friends who live in retirement villages, seniors apartments and various other places. I would miss my 50 Something children, my grandchildren ranging in ages from 30 Something to 16 and now my great grandchildren ranging in age from 3 years to 2 days old. This is my thank you to the Universe for my life and the joy that comes with it.
Friday, January 25th, 2013........10:24a.m.
Paisley, the little village we live in is situated in Bruce County about a 10 minute drive to Lake Huron. The house is quiet now. My daughter has left for work and I am here alone, except for our German Shepherd Six and our 4 month old puppy Luna(tic). The home we live in was built in 1875, it is two story, yellow brick farm house and I love it. There is a warmth in this house that comes as much from the people living in it as from the propane furnace that heats it.
My daughter Tami, my son in law Dennis, their 16 year old son Jonathon and myself live in this home. Quite often one of Tami and Dennis's other 3 sons will be hear for a visit or to spend a few days. Last week my youngest son Rusty was here for a few days. I love having two or more of my 4 children here at the same time. My eldest son Michael lives in Hamilton and my daughter Linda lives in London, Rusty lives in Fenelon Falls where I lived and worked for 28 years. They live far enough away that when they visit it is a wonderful occasion for me.
Due to the weather and my aversion to driving in snowy conditions I have not left the house in 6 days. At one time that would have me crazy and it is a real testament to this family and this home that I am sitting in my fleece robe feeling comfortable and content with my life and the world, more than that I am feeling grateful for everything and everyone around around me. What a wonderful place and time for a 70 something woman. I am so glad that my life includes my wonderful family and the animals and the acres that surround this home. I have friends who live in retirement villages, seniors apartments and various other places. I would miss my 50 Something children, my grandchildren ranging in ages from 30 Something to 16 and now my great grandchildren ranging in age from 3 years to 2 days old. This is my thank you to the Universe for my life and the joy that comes with it.
Friday, January 25th, 2013........10:24a.m.
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Words From A Rabbi
"The World Will Never Suffer From A Lack Of Information. It Suffers From A Lack Of Wonder."
I heard these words on CBC radio station last week while driving to Walkerton. They have been playing around in my head ever since; for me that is always a message that I should write about them, otherwise I will have to deal with them in my head forever.
These words have probably more true today than at any other time in history. I believe that all children up to age 6 don't suffer from a lack of wonder. They are seeing, hearing, touching, smelling and tasting things for the first time. They are truly experiencing things for the first time. For the first couple of years of their life they really don't know fear. They have to be taught fear. A 20 year old woman who screams or shudders when she sees a spider is the same person who at a year old was very curious about a very similar spider that was crawling on her crib rail. She wanted to touch it, grab it even, see how it felt and even how it tasted. It is only when the adult enters the room and screams or shudders that she becomes afraid. We are truly the "wunderkind" for the first years of our lives. Today the German word wunderkind means child prodigy, it's original meaning was "A Child Full Of Wonder".
Twenty years ago most of us had no idea that there would be a computer or two or three in our homes. That the word "google would become a word, never mind a verb. Yet even before the advent of computers we all, or most of us lost our sense of wonder. School really did it for me. By it's very definition school means accumulating information then spitting it back out in the form of tests and exams. Our natural sense of wonder is certainly discouraged in exchange for "good marks" that we get through using our minds to memorize information and regurgitate at regular intervals.
After school comes earning a living, which quite often means doing repetitive things for 8 to 12 hours a day. How creative is that? Life is full of children's needs, earning a living, maintaining a home etc etc.
Possibly you have to be a 70 Something Woman/Man to have time and the desire to spend time wondering at the at the miracles occurring around us all the time. Maybe that is why it is called
"A Second Childhood". I am just glad I am there. So many of us don't ever get there.
I heard these words on CBC radio station last week while driving to Walkerton. They have been playing around in my head ever since; for me that is always a message that I should write about them, otherwise I will have to deal with them in my head forever.
These words have probably more true today than at any other time in history. I believe that all children up to age 6 don't suffer from a lack of wonder. They are seeing, hearing, touching, smelling and tasting things for the first time. They are truly experiencing things for the first time. For the first couple of years of their life they really don't know fear. They have to be taught fear. A 20 year old woman who screams or shudders when she sees a spider is the same person who at a year old was very curious about a very similar spider that was crawling on her crib rail. She wanted to touch it, grab it even, see how it felt and even how it tasted. It is only when the adult enters the room and screams or shudders that she becomes afraid. We are truly the "wunderkind" for the first years of our lives. Today the German word wunderkind means child prodigy, it's original meaning was "A Child Full Of Wonder".
Twenty years ago most of us had no idea that there would be a computer or two or three in our homes. That the word "google would become a word, never mind a verb. Yet even before the advent of computers we all, or most of us lost our sense of wonder. School really did it for me. By it's very definition school means accumulating information then spitting it back out in the form of tests and exams. Our natural sense of wonder is certainly discouraged in exchange for "good marks" that we get through using our minds to memorize information and regurgitate at regular intervals.
After school comes earning a living, which quite often means doing repetitive things for 8 to 12 hours a day. How creative is that? Life is full of children's needs, earning a living, maintaining a home etc etc.
Possibly you have to be a 70 Something Woman/Man to have time and the desire to spend time wondering at the at the miracles occurring around us all the time. Maybe that is why it is called
"A Second Childhood". I am just glad I am there. So many of us don't ever get there.
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