Take Risks

That is the title of tomorrows message from my very favorite book.  I don't normally read the next days message, but it is 11:20p.m. now so soon it will be tomorrow and I am only cheating by 40 minutes.

For the past 3 years I havn't taken many, if any risks, until very recently.  Probably even before then I wouldn't be what anyone would call a big risk taker.  I wanted guaranteed, written in blood assurances.  Even then I would not always feel sure.

In my book it says "We cannot afford to keep ourselves paralized."  And that is what fear does to me, it paralizes me.  I can become afraid to make a move, let alone take a risk.  Risking means being vulnerable and trusting someone.  But not risking means almost being jailed.  You are safe in your cell, with all of your thoughts locked inside your own head and I guess I needed to be that safe for awhile; but it is also lonely and isolating.  And I didn't grow during that time.  I didn't share ideas or feelings with anyone so of course I got no feedback.  Lately, slowly but surely I am sharing feelings and ideas.  Even doing this blog is a kind of leap of faith.  At first I thought no one would ever read it, so that was safe; then I actually gave the address of the blog to a couple of people.  That was a real act of faith for me.  It was also taking a risk.  And it was o.k.  I feel o.k. about it, sometimes even good about it.

Saturday, May 14th, 2011..............11:36p.m.

Friggatrishekaphobia (Fear Of Friday The 13th)

Well there is only 1 hour and 10 minutes left in this Friday the 13th, and it is only the only one in 2011 so I guess I will survive it.  There are many things I am afraid of, probably many phobias I suffer from, but somehow Friday the 13th isn't one of them.
I am one of those of those weird people who are more afraid of living people than ghosts or dead ones.  I have never been hurt in any way by a ghost, nor been betrayed or letdown by a dead person, to me these things have only ever been done by living people.  Wednesday, February the 18th, 2008 was the last time that some very living people, tried and nearly succeeded in destroying me.  Thanks again guys, just in case I forgot to do it then.  Most of you have already reaped what you have sown and the rest of you surely will.  Such is the way of Karma.

As for me, I live, I am loved and I am happy.  I am surrounded by family and friends and loved ones.  Because I know you and I have known you for years, I know you will never have these things.

Sleep Well.  And Happy Friday The 13th.

Evening Thoughts

Friday, May 13th, 2011..............11:03p.m.

A Quote By Alanis Morrisette

I had my hair done this afternoon and I forgot to take a book, so, I ended reading whatever was available in such places.  This magazine had an interview with Alanis Morrisette and this is where I found the quote.

"I don't consider myself  a human being having a spiritual experience, I consider myself a spiritual being having a human experience."  I couldn't have said it better myself.  The 70er I become the more in touch I am with my spirituality and the less important the physical becomes.  This allows me to see life in an entirely different way and experience living much more fully and completely.  How fortunate for her that this young woman realized this in her 30s.

Thoughts In The Afternoon

Thursday, May 12th, 2:30p.m.

Real Help

I have been away and unable to blog.  I have missed it, yet find it difficult to start again.  It was a wonderful week; full of family and people I love.  Now I am going to have to re establish my routine and I want to do that slowly.  Partly because I want to replay those days in my mind and my heart.  The Granddaughter of My Soul, whom I spent time with while I was away, told me this story and I would like to share it with you.

There is this man who fallen into a very deep hole of depression and addiction.  He is calling for help to passerbys.  A Dr. walks by and hears him calling, he looks down into the hole, then he takes out his pad and writes a perscription which he throws down the hole to the man.  The man continues to call for help.  A man of the cloth walks by, he stops and looks down at the man then says I will pray for you, and walks on.  Finally a man in work clothes and work boots hears the mans cries.  He stops, then jumps down into the hole with the man.  The man trapped in the hole said to him "why did you jump in with me? Now we are both trapped down here", the other man said "We are not trapped, I have been here before and I can show you the way out".

I guess you will either get it or you won't, but I wanted to share it with you anyway.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011....................10:10p.m.

Things Left Unsaid

If I had to choose my favorite philospher is would be a toss up between Nietzsche and Dostoevsky.  Tonight I have a quote by Dostoevsky.  "Much unhappiness has come into the world because of bewilderment and things left unsaid."
This may not be his most profound quote, it isn't even my favorite, but it is the one that touched me tonight.
I have felt such bewilderment and sorrow when things were left unfinished, unsaid.  I am aware that we can't take back words we have spoken, but a sincere "I'm sorry" can bring such comfort.  When you look into the person's eyes and touch them and really mean it, then healing can happen.  I need some of this healing, some of  these words, and I need to say them to others.  Knowing that is growth and I am grateful for my growth, painful as it sometimes can be.

Tuesday, May 3rd, 2011...........11:23p.m.

A Tolstoy Quote For Our Election Day

"Government is an association of men who do violence to the rest of us".  I hope this isn't the case with whoever gets in tonight.  Physical violence isn't the only kind of of violence that Government can impose on us.  Poverty, hunger and lack of health care has been the violence that I have witnessed most often in the past terms of Government.  As A 70 Something Woman I want enough to not worry about tomorrrow or next month, I also want to know that my children will have enough when they have finished their working time.  And for my grandchildren I want opportunity, the opportunity for them to rasie their children, feed them well and be able to educate them.  Thats not a lot to ask from someone who spent more than 50 of her 70 something years working and paying for the Government that we have had.

Election Night Thoughts

Monday, May 2, 2011............11:31p.m.

Fitting In

This seems to be a Universal need or at least desire.  One of the good things of being 70 Something, there are actually many, is that it is no longer nearly as important as it once was.  In the past I have found myself wanting to fit in with people that I didn't even particularly like, but thought I should like, mostly because others seemed to like them,  What a wonderful freedom to no longer have to impress anyone.  To allow myself to just be me.

I recall a couple of decades ago sitting in meetings and when a vote or a show of hands was taken I would look around and see what everyone was doing and do the same,  There were a couple of reasons for this; one, I thought everyone knew more than me, and two, I didn't want to be singled out as the only dissenter.  Now I find I have no problem saying I think that is a bunch of crap, if that is what I really feel.  Normally though I would just say "do whatever you want, because really how important is it?"  And unless it was really important to me I would let it go at that.  The 70er I get the more I realize what is really important and what is just someones ego on a trip.

Evening Thoughts

Sunday, May 1st, 2011...............9:23p.m.