The Voice Of The Turtle......My day So Far

I had an appointment today at the hospital.  I experienced som leg pain last Thursday and went to the Emergency room of our nearest hospital, in this case SouthHampton, the Dr that saw me suggested an ultra sound.  So, today I set out to have that done.  About two kilometres down the road I saw sometning on the road, I assumed it was roadkill, there is so much on this road.  It wasn't, it was a turtle.  By the time I realized that I was close to the turtle their was a vehicle coming in the direction and I couldn't get off the road in time.  I hoped that I could pass over the turtle and not hit it.  That didn't happen.  I heard/felt the car wheels run over the turtle.  I still feel a little sick when I remember the sound/feeling.  That feeling stayed with me the rest of the drive.  I thought it might an ominous sign of what was coming.  Apparently not though, the blood flow in both legs is good in both legs, arthritis is bad, but blood flow good.  I am still having a difficult time with killing the turtle, at least I hope I killed it quickly, instantly I hope.  The closer I come to my end of life the worse I feel about about hurting any living thing.

The term "The Voice Of The Turtle" comes from the Christian Bible and the actual quote reads "The voice of the turtledove".  It is in Songs Of Solomon  2:12 for anyone interested.  I was once told by a native sayer that I had two animal symbols in my life, the turtle and the bear.  Most people only have only one I think.  I have always liked, or maybe admired is a better word, turtles.  They are so self sufficient, they carry their home and their self defense on their body in the form of their shell.  They have been Earth for so long, much longer than our own species.  They remind of something in University; It is not the strongest of the species that survive, it is not the beautiful of the species that survive, it is not the smartest of the species that survive, "it is the most adaptable of the species that survive".  I am sorry Turtle.  I regret not being able to miss you.  I am sorry that I hurt you, that I am responsible for killing you.

Afternoon Thoughts

Monday, June 27th, 2011...........3:11p.m.

Sunday Afternoon Thoughts

I can't remember the exact quote and I can't remember who said it ut here is what I do remember:

"It is not important how long it takes for your dream to come true, what is important is that you have the dream".

I really liked that sentence when I read it.  It is so applicable to me.  We have all probably experienced losses, some affecting us a little, some devasting us.  In my experience with losses and I have had my share, the loss of a dream is the greatest loss.  The loss of a dream requires the most grieving for me.  That is the time when I have cocoon for a long period, when I become a recluse (actually being reclusive comes pretty naturally to me)  I am not sure if it a character defect or a good thing.  I only know that it seems to be a nesessary thing when I feel a dream is gone, has died.  I always try to have a dream, a goal, and like I said it isn't really all that important how far away that dream or goal seems to be, for me having the dream is what is important.

Sunday, June 26th, 2011..................4:55p.m.

A CBC Interview With Hisham Matar

I listened to this interview on my way home early this afternoon.  At some point in the interview My Matar said "It seems to be in the DNA of humans to want to destroy their artists".  I agree, in fact I would take it one or two steps further.  We seem to take great delight in destroying the lives of anyone who becomes successful and particularly anyone who achieves any manner of fame.  I can't believe the amount of media coverage given to people in the entertainment business or in Government.  For Gods sake their are people dying in wars and starving in many parts of the world and I turn on the T.V. and listen to news personnel going on about someones sex life and indiscretions.  I am glad that I never achieved any measure of great success.  My life has not been that free of mistakes and indiscretions and neither has anyone elses that I know.

Mr Matar is the author of "A Country Of Men" and "Anatomy Of Disappearance".  I will ask for one of his books at the library.

Afternoon Thoughts

Sunday, June 19th, 2011...........6:55p.m.  Happy Fathers Day to my sons, Michael and Rusty and to Dennis my son in law, all great fathers and now grandfathers.

Prejudice (A Preconceived Notion, Or A Judgment Made Prior To Investigation)

I am guilty of prejudice,  It is my beleif that we all are.  Although I was surprised when I researched the word.  I don't like people who are prejudiced, even though I am guilty of it myself.  I find myself uncomfortable with others, especially when they have the need to verbalize their prejudices loudly.  It is has been experience that people who do this are not the smartest people and stupid people are very boring, at least that has been my experience.

After researching the word and realizing that it means  "Pre Judge" I feel a little differently about the word.  I am not prejudiced when I prefer a Harveys hamburger to a MacDonalds.  I have had hamburgers from both establishments and I do prefer Harveys.  I prefer the company of people who read to those who don't. I have spent time with those who read and with those who don't; so, I am not "Pre Judging".

Evening Thoughts.........Never said I was normal

Friday, June 17th, 2011..................11:41p.m.

A Maya Angelou Quote

"If You Don't Heal The Wounds Of Your Past You Will Continue To Bleed".

I love this lady and her words of wisdom.  I can apply this quote to my own life and so many other people that I have known.  For me, in order to heal the wounds of my past I had to revisit them.  This was something that I didn't look forward to.  In fact it frightened me so much that I tried everyway that I could to avoid doing that.  I swallowed my pain for so many years; I swallowed it with booze, pills, food, work and many other things.  I feel now that I have healed from most of the wounds of my past.  I seldom bleed anymore, or at least not much.  Healing is an ongoing process and thats a good thing.

Tuesday, June 14th, 2011

One Of My Very Favorite Quotes

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, champagne in one hand - strawberries in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOOHOO - What a Ride!"
-- Attributed to an octogenarian named Mavis Leyrer, of Seattle

What a wonderful idea and a worthy ideal.  This was definately written by a woman and what a marvelous woman she must have been................Amen

Sunday, June 12th, 2011..........7:58p.m.

"Laughter Is The Shortest Distance Between Two People" Victor Borge

I don't laugh enough.  And I am aware of the value of laughter.  It really is the best medicine, it produces and releases endorphins that actually does heal the body.  I believe that it heals the spirit and the soul also.  I love to hear others laugh, that makes me happy.  Especially people that I love.  My childrens laughter is the sweetest music I have ever heard.  I don't like laughter at someone else's expense and I don't like phony laughter, in fact I dislike it very much.  Children's laughter is never phony, it is always genuine.  I guess it takes a few years to really develop phoniness.  My grandson likes to watch the Comedy Channel.  I love hearing him laugh, his laughing makes me smile, even though I havn't heard the joke.  I think I have a weird sense of humour.  I don't go to movies often but when I used to I would find myself laughing in the theatre when no one else was and when they were I didn't always find it that funny.  I like a play on words, that really appeals to me.  I think as a child I was afraid to laugh.  I remember my Mother glaring at me and saying "what the hell are you laughing at".  I stopped laughing then.  But I am not a child now and I want to feel free to laugh.  I will work on that.

Saturday, June 11, 2011..........10:53p.m.

"Love Is The Child Of Freedom, Never That Of Domination"....Unknown Author

I wish I did know who said that, she must have been a wise woman. I recall when my first child was born.  It was one of the first times I stood up against my Mother's domination.  She wanted to name my son.  Seeing as I never imagined I would have a male child, in fact I thought at that time I couldn't have a male child, I wasn't old enough or big enough or whatever, I thought I could just reproduce myself.  So, I never thought of any boys names at all.  However, when he was born, the first time I held him I said Michael.  It was like he told me his name.  I wanted his second name to be Free.

I had always felt so bound, so captured, so fettered and "Unfree".  I did finally cave and let my Mother give him his second name, Patrick.  It is a good name, but I wish I had fought harder, had been stronger and named him Free.  Most people want many things for their children, like good health and happiness.  My greatest wish for my children was that they feel free.  I still feel that way today, more than 50 years later.

Friday, June 10th, 2011.........11:04p.m.

Stormy Weather

You can tell a great deal about people when they are together in a home with no electricity.  Last Tuesday evening at about 10:15p.m. the hydro went out in my daughter and son in laws home.  There was a horrendous storm, severe flashing lightening,  booming thunder, as well as scary winds.  The hydro has been out ever since, with the exception of a couple of hours yesterday afternoon.  As well as trees being uprooted, 100 hydro poles went down on 21 Hwy.  I was away last weekend.  Luisa and I left Saturday about 11:00a.m.  The hydro was out at that time and apparently stayed out until sometime Monday when I returned.  So, they had already had a couple of days with no electricity.  Having no hydro means having no T.V. computer, dishwasher, toilet flushing only when necessary, no showers etc etc.  It also means going to bed when it gets dark.  It takes exceptional people to get through this experience without cross words and loss of patience.  When I went to bed last night I was thinking that everyone in the household, all 4 of us and 2 dog (who are both scared to death of storms) were not just civil to each other but were patient and caring for each other.  This must have been the must have been especially difficult for Tami, my daughter, as she is the one who ties this household together.  And for Dennis who had to get so early for work each morning.  Jonathon, just turned 15 years old is also to be congratulated for keeping his cool and remaining considerate of others.  Most 15 year olds that I know would not have handled it nearly so well.  I am at friends house for a couple of days and when I left this afternoon there was still no hydro at home and may not be for another 24 to 48 hours.  What an exceptional family I live with.  I love you all and thank you for your patience.

Thursday, June 9th, 2011...........11:42p.m.

Some Things I Believe

For example; 

1)  I beleive that resistance is the opposite to acceptance.  As hard as I find somethings to accept, I find resistance to be so tiring, exhausting even.  When I get so tired of resisting I usually accept and when I do things usually turn out better than I had anticipated.

2)  I believe that real love and affection never dies; sometimes it gets buried under life's struggles and happenings.  But like seeds buried in tombs for many centuries, when brought back into sunlight and fertile soil it grows and blooms again.

3)  I believe we are given the children that we need, so we can learn and grow from the experiences they bring into our live, even the painful ones, perhaps especially the painful ones.

4)  I believe in genetic or cellular memory.  I think that stored in our genes and/or cells are memories of many, many generations that preceded us.

5)  I believe that all cliches have some merit; such as "Get Off My Back" "Your A Pain In The Neck".  After a particularally difficult time in my life that followed a long, drawn out death of a partner.  I was experiencing such back, neck, and shoulder pain that I was going to see my Dr.  when a friend of mine smiled as  I told him about my pain and said "What have you been carrying around your neck, on your shoulders and on your back for the past two years"?  In that moment I understood these cliches and within hours the pain began to disappear.

6)  I believe that I am still capable of still learning even though I am 70 Something, perhaps especially because I am 70 something.

Afternoon Thoughts

Friday, June 3rd, 2011.............5:38p.m.  birthday of my eldest daughter.  Have a wonderful day Linda.  I am so happy that you were born.

Two Quotes By Oscar Wilde

While looking up the first quote by Oscar Wilde. I found another.  So, will write a little bit on both.  First:

"We are all ignorant, just in different ways".

This was sent to me by a friend.  I was not familiar with this quote, yet find it to be so true.  I am ignorant of many things.  I am especially ignorant of things that don't interest me.  Things like math.  No matter how hard I try I can't get excited over a square root of anything, and I really resent the hours that I spent learning about Geomotry, particularly when I realize that I have never geometed in all the long years since I studied it.  And the fact that I wasn't given a choice in learning it.  If I was to attend college or university it was deemed necessary that I be able to geomet.
I have also noticed how peoples eyes often glaze over when I get upset about someone doubling a negative or dangling a participle or evening splittling an infinitive, I could go on and on but I can see your eyes glazing over already.

2nd Quote:  "I think that God in creating man overestimated His ability".

I really like this one.  Just saying...................

Good To Be back

Wednesday, June 1st, 2011.........10:28p.m.